Reading is Power

I drove out to Wayland, Michigan today. I wanted a book that only their library had, and I was willing to make the trip in order that I might better my mind, unlike a certain individual everybody could name.

I had not seen the Wayland library before, and was pleasantly surprised to find it a quaint little stone affair with one of those ceilings that is all over patterned white plaster. It looks like a wedding cake. Unlike a certain individual that nobody in their right mind much cares for, I did NOT climb a stepladder and try to eat it.

"Hello, staff!" I greeted the library staff.

"Stop talking to that stick," the staff person said. "We have a guy comes in here and does that all the time."

"I think I know the fellow," I said, shuddering involuntarily. The shudder was so severe, every single article of clothing I was wearing vibrated off and flew into the far corners of the building. All except for one sock.

"I'm terribly sorry," I said, displaying social grace that certain individuals would require years of training and research to acquire. "Awful mental image." I began to gather my clothing, which was recently washed, unlike the clothing of one person in particular.

"Don't worry. It happens all the time," the library staffer said. She sighed. "More often than I care to admit, actually. Can I help you find something? Certain people need help with everything, if you know what I mean."

We exchanged knowing nods, and I went to find the book on my own, relying on my own resourcefulness; resourcefulness that would be the envy of a certain individual if only that certain individual were capable of appreciating such nuances of personality.

Bringing the book up to the checkout counter, I remarked "I found everything okay, just in case you were wondering, unlike some people I could mention who couldn't find their way out of a paper bag and who sometimes fart on war heroes."

"Glad to hear it, sir," the staffer said, taking my library card. The library card gives one free access to a wide range of educational materials, and unlike some smelly men, I take advantage of it.

I waved goodbye to the library staffer, and she waved goodbye to me as I left the building. Unspoken, but communicated clearly though our wave was the universal truth that nobody likes a particular individual.